Why Mother’s Day—and Other Special Events—Often Disappoint
When Mother’s Day (and Other Special Events) Leave You Feeling Disappointed
Mother’s Day is supposed to be a celebration. Brunches, handmade cards, flowers, and some much-needed rest. Yet, for many moms, the day doesn’t feel special—it feels like a letdown.
On our latest episode of the Intentional Household podcast, we took a closer look at why holidays like Mother’s Day so often lead to disappointment, and more importantly, how to prevent it from happening again. The problem isn’t just Mother’s Day. The same pattern shows up around birthdays, anniversaries, baby showers, weddings, and milestone celebrations. It all comes down to one word: expectations.
The Unseen Setup for Disappointment
According to a Psychology Today article, disappointment is often a result of expecting more than we receive—whether that’s attention, effort, or thoughtfulness. And those expectations are usually unspoken.
For example, you might envision a calm morning on Mother’s Day, breakfast in bed, and time to yourself. But if no one else knows that’s what you want, you could find yourself cooking pancakes in a messy kitchen, refereeing sibling squabbles, and feeling more exhausted than ever.
An article from ABQ Mom echoes this sentiment, citing that many women feel overlooked or underappreciated on a day meant to celebrate them. Why? Because we often expect others—our partners, children, friends—to just know what we want. But mind-reading isn't a real skill, and assumptions almost always fall short.
It’s Not Just You
If you’ve ever felt this way, know this: you’re not alone. We recently surveyed our own Intentional Household community on Instagram and found that a significant number of moms shared this exact experience. Whether it’s feeling pressure to host when they’d rather be pampered, or watching their hopes of a relaxing day evaporate into family logistics, many women feel like they have to choose between being celebrated and keeping things running smoothly.
And this doesn’t just apply to moms. Think of the bride who imagined a stress-free wedding day but found herself overwhelmed. Or the friend who planned her milestone birthday, only to feel let down when it didn’t turn out as meaningful as hoped. These moments matter. They’re emotional milestones. And when our emotional needs aren’t met, the celebration can feel hollow.
The Solution: Clear Communication
The fix isn’t elaborate gifts or Pinterest-perfect plans. It’s clarity. Knowing what you want, and expressing it, gives others the chance to show up for you in ways that actually matter.
That’s why we created a simple, powerful resource called the Expectations Clarifier. It’s a one-page tool designed to help you think through what you want to feel on your special day—and what actions or plans will help support that feeling. Whether it’s peace, connection, celebration, or alone time, this tool helps you define it.
It’s not a wish list. It’s not a demand sheet. It’s a self-reflection exercise that helps you get clear before you communicate. Because when you’re clear, others can act accordingly. This is especially important for partners or loved ones who want to do something special but aren’t sure what will be meaningful to you.
How to Use the Expectations Clarifier
Fill it out in advance – Do it a few weeks before your birthday, Mother’s Day, or any important occasion.
Do it alone – This is for your eyes only. It’s not about being influenced by what you think you should want.
Communicate thoughtfully – Once you’ve clarified your hopes, you can share what matters to you in a way that’s kind, respectful, and empowering. You’re not “telling people what to do”—you’re giving them a blueprint for helping you feel seen and valued.
Use it for others too – You can even give this tool to a loved one ahead of their special day. It works just as well to help you celebrate others with intention.
Let’s Normalize Talking About It
We have to stop pretending that special events magically go well without communication. Let’s normalize expressing what we want and inviting others to do the same. Whether it’s a calm morning, a walk alone, a big family dinner, or skipping the celebrations altogether—it’s valid, and it’s worth talking about.
We hope our Intentional Household episode and the Expectations Clarifier help you feel more empowered to shape your next celebration with intention.
Because no one can read your mind. But they can meet your needs—when you let them in.
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📥 Download the Expectations Clarifier [here]
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